


Don't Break Your Heart

by Miko



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-07
Updated: 2008-07-07
Packaged: 2017-10-21 08:50:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/223298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miko/pseuds/Miko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lavi kept warning him, but Allen couldn't have taken the advice if he'd wanted to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Break Your Heart

It had to be Lavi, really. That was the conclusion Allen came to after more than a month of trying not to think about it.

His other options were severely limited, for one thing. It had to be another Exorcist, that much was certain. Preferably one he knew and had worked with often enough to trust and be comfortable around. That right there narrowed it down to just a handful of people.

Kanda would likely run him through if he so much as brought up the subject. Krory almost certainly knew less about it than Allen. Bookman... no. Just no.

Not that coming to a reluctant conclusion on the matter made things any better. On the contrary, once Allen knew it would have to be Lavi, it became the _only_ thing he could think about whenever the redhead was around. It wasn't exactly the sort of thing he could just come right out and ask about, even if he'd wanted to. And he was hardly ever alone with Lavi, anyway. As a result Allen often found himself hovering nervously in Lavi's vicinity, even though he told himself he was never going to go through with it.

He hadn't realized how obvious he was being about it until Lavi finally confronted him over dinner one night. "All right, beansprout, why don't'cha just spit it out already?"

Lavi wasn't even looking at him, still grinning after Lenalee who'd just left, so it took Allen a moment to register what the redhead had said. "Huh?" He blinked at the older boy, startled.

"I said, spit it out already," Lavi repeated patiently, propping his chin on one hand and giving Allen an exasperated look. "You've barely taken your eyes off me for a week. It's starting t'creep me out, t'tell the truth. Obviously you got something on your mind you wanna ask me. So, ask."

"Uh..." Allen felt a bit like a deer caught on the tracks with a train bearing down on him. He must have looked comically stunned, because Lavi started to chuckle.

"Seriously, Allen, whatever it is you'll feel better if y'just get it off your chest," Lavi said. "I promise I won't bite."

Allen could feel himself slowly turning red, and he ducked his head to try to hide his eyes. He was startled to realize he'd hardly touched his dinner - the stack of empty plates beside him barely reached his shoulder. No wonder Lavi had noticed something was up. "I... it's nothing, really," Allen said too hastily. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was bothering you, I'll stop."

"Uh-huh, sure you will," Lavi said, clearly unconvinced. He stood and stretched, then walked around the table and caught a handful of the arm of Allen's jacket, tugging. "C'mon."

"What? Lavi!" The redhead was stronger than he looked - Allen had a choice between standing of his own accord or being pulled out of his seat. He scrambled to his feet, nearly tripping over the bench. "Where are we going? I'm not finished dinner yet."

"Jeryy'll make you more later if you're still hungry," Lavi asserted. "Right now you and I need t'talk, and judging by that pretty shade of fuchsia you turned just now, I'm betting I ain't getting another word outta you unless we're in private."

Of course that made Allen turn an even brighter shade of red, embarrassed that Lavi could see through him so easily. "It's nothing, I said."

"I heard what you said," Lavi replied, giving Allen a not-unsympathetic smile over his shoulder. "I also heard what'cha didn't say. We'll talk in my room."

He released Allen only when they reached his door, giving the younger man no chance to bolt. Once Allen was safely in Lavi's room, the redhead closed the door and leaned against it, effectively trapping Allen inside.

"You're not going anywhere 'til you talk, so y'might as well get it over with," Lavi said. "C'mon, Allen, you should know you can talk t'me about anything. You want advice on asking Lenalee out or something?"

"What?" That was so far from what had been on Allen's mind that it took his brain a moment to process the question. Then he blushed even harder and sputtered, further contributing to his embarrassment. "No! No, that's not it at all. And even if it was, I wouldn't... er, that is..." Allen tried to think of a delicate way of admitting that Lavi would be the _last_ person he'd ask for advice on dealing with women, and failed.

"You wouldn't ask me?" Lavi seemed to guess what was going through his mind, and he looked so hurt that Allen found himself scrambling for excuses.

"No... I mean, well, yes, but it's not that you're not my friend or I don't trust you, but... uh..." Allen still couldn't find a graceful way to put it, and he didn't want to hurt Lavi further.

Just as he was starting to panic, the older boy suddenly grinned at him. "Good, 'cause I was starting to seriously wonder about your powers of observation for a minute there. Unless you _want_ Lenalee to slap you, and hey, if that's your thing I'm not gonna judge you."

Now beet red, Allen snatched a pillow off the bed and tossed it at his friend, for lack of anything more solid to throw. Lavi didn't even try to dodge, and it didn't wipe the smug grin off his face, either.

"So, if it's not Lenalee, what's got you so flustered y'can't even talk about it?" Lavi asked.

Allen eyed him, judging the older boy's resolve. Lavi crossed his arms, still planted firmly in front of the door, and it was clear he wasn't planning to move any time soon. "You're really not going to let me out of here if I don't tell you, are you?" Allen said with a sigh.

"Nope." Lavi's grin widened. "And don't think I won't know if y'just make something up. Spill it, beansprout."

Allen took a deep breath, and decided the only way to deal with it was to get it out as quickly as possible. "Iwantyoutokissme," he blurted out, clenching his fists to try to hide his suddenly sweaty palms.

Lavi's visible eye went comically wide, and he looked as stunned as if Bookman had just drop-kicked him from out of nowhere. "Say _what_?"

Opening his mouth to explain, Allen literally could not make the words come out. Instead he shook his head and lowered his eyes, letting his bangs cover his face in a probably futile attempt to hide his utter mortification.

"Didn't we just cover the fact that I'm about the last person you wanna ask for advice on women?" Lavi finally said, recovering his poise. "If you wanna practice for Lenalee, you're better off practicing _with_ Lenalee. Trust me on this one."

"I don't want to," Allen managed to say, though he still had no hope of being able to look Lavi in the eye again within the next decade or so. "With Lenalee, I mean. She's a good friend and I care deeply for her and I want to make her happy, but..." He gestured helplessly, and now that he'd gotten started he couldn't seem to stop. "She's hinted that she wouldn't mind if I did want to ask her out or... or do stuff with her, but I... And I always thought it was just that I was too young, but my master always teased me because I was never interested in his women, and anyway it's different with Lenalee and I'm fifteen now and..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Lavi held his hands up to stem the flow of words. "Wait, so, lemme get this straight. You _don't_ wanna make out with Lenalee, and you're realizing now that you've never paid much attention to women, so you're worried maybe you don't like women at all. And you wanna kiss a guy, and see if you like that..."

Lavi paused, and Allen could see him running through a mental head-count of the Order and coming to the same conclusion Allen had. "And I'm about your only choice, izzat it?"

Mute once again, Allen nodded. He expected some sort of wisecrack or teasing, but to his surprise Lavi just sighed. When Allen finally found the courage to look up, the junior Bookman was watching him with an unusually serious expression.

"Problem is, if you just picked me 'cause there ain't anyone else, then not enjoying it won't prove a damned thing," Lavi said with unexpected gentleness. "You've gotta be attracted to the person in the first place."

"I... I don't know if I am or not," Allen admitted. "It's been all I could think about for weeks, kissing you. But I don't know if that's because I want to kiss _you_ or just because this whole thing is obsessing me." Rubbing his aching temples, he shook his head. "But at least if I kiss you and I _do_ enjoy it, I'd know something."

"Well, that's true I s'ppose." Lavi nodded. "Okay."

For the third time that night, Lavi's words caught Allen so completely by surprise that it took his brain a moment to catch up. "Okay?" he repeated, not quite certain what Lavi meant. Surely he couldn't just be _agreeing_ , so easily, as if it meant nothing at all and the idea didn't bother him in the least.

Except apparently that was exactly what Lavi had meant, because the older boy was moving towards him with an intent look on his face. Allen held his breath, half mesmerized by that intense green stare. It made him feel like he was seeing, perhaps for the first time, Lavi truly giving something his _full_ attention.

Allen had expected the other boy to hesitate, maybe to say something like 'are you sure?', but Lavi closed the distance between them and pressed his mouth over Allen's between one heartbeat and the next.

It was a little weird, really, feeling someone else's mouth against his. Lavi's lips were warm and soft and slippery, sliding slowly over Allen's. In truth Allen would have been a little disappointed by the whole thing, except there was this tiny little warm thrill that ran over his spine and pooled in his groin. It felt like he was getting the merest glimpse of something much bigger, and he wanted to see if the rest of it would live up to the initial promise.

"Well?" Lavi asked, pulling back a few inches. He didn't let go entirely, and only then did Allen realize the older boy had one arm around his waist and was cupping Allen's cheek with his other hand. That made another of those odd, heated jolts pass through him.

"Um." Allen shifted, his cheeks heating again - still - and looked up at Lavi uncertainly. "It... it was... nice? I guess. But it felt like it could have been better."

Lavi gave an embarrassed little laugh, and Allen was surprised to see the older boy's cheeks turn pink as well. "I don't exactly have a lot of practice at this, y'know. I mean, I usually get slapped by the women I flirt with, not kissed."

"Then why don't we try again?" Allen asked, a little more confident about the whole thing now that the hard part of actually asking was over. "You can practice, and I can be sure."

"Sounds like a good deal t'me," Lavi agreed with a funny quirked smile, and he leaned in again.

This time Allen tried moving his mouth as well, and that felt better. Then Lavi flicked his tongue out over Allen's bottom lip, and the jolt of heat was more like a thunderbolt in response. Without meaning to, Allen moaned softly and pressed closer. Lavi's arm tightened around his waist, and he did the little motion with his tongue again.

Now Allen retaliated, and the muffled noise Lavi made reverberated through Allen's body. It erased any last doubts he had been harbouring. Oh yes, he _was_ enjoying this, most definitely. The jolts had become a steady stream of heat, and his cock was hardening quickly. Still they continued to kiss and explore, tongues meeting and tangling and sliding away again, both of them making soft sounds whenever a particularly sensitive spot was discovered.

It didn't take them long to master the art of breathing while kissing, allowing them to continue without needing to come up for distracting gulps of air. Allen wasn't certain just how long they kissed, but he felt light-headed and dizzy - and so hard he was aching - by the time Lavi finally pulled away.

"Enough," the redhead declared, sounding as dazed and breathless as Allen felt. "That's... that's enough. Uh. I guess you got your answer?"

"Y-yeah, I guess so," Allen agreed. He felt stupid, because part of him wanted to lie and say he still wasn't sure, just so Lavi would kiss him again.

As Lavi let him go and stepped back, breathing hard, Allen finally remembered his manners. "Thank you, Lavi. I really appreciate your help."

Lavi chuckled softly, sounding less cheerful and more erotic than he normally did when he laughed. "Any time, beansprout. Any time at all."

* * *

By the end of the week, Allen was pretty sure the whole mess was going to drive him crazy. If he'd thought he couldn't get his mind off kissing Lavi _before_ he'd tried it, that was nothing compared to his state of mind now.

He couldn't stop thinking about it. About the feel of Lavi's lips against his, the taste of the other boy's willing mouth, and that tingling fire that had poured through him when they kissed.

He wanted to feel it again.

Twice he went as far as going to Lavi's room with the intention of asking for more 'practice', but both times he chickened out before he got as far as knocking. The third time he steeled his will and made himself raise his hand and tap on the door.

There was no answer, and after a long moment Allen blew out an exasperated breath. He wasn't sure if he was irritated with Lavi for not being there when he'd finally worked up the courage, or with himself for being such a coward in the first place. Either way, it looked like he was in for another long, lonely night with only his own hand for company.

He turned to go, and yelped in shock when he saw Lavi leaning against the wall behind him. "Lavi! H-how long have you been there?"

The redhead had his arms crossed and one foot braced against the wall, a pose that made it look like he'd settled in for a long wait. He was grinning, of course, which only flustered Allen further.

"Sixteen minutes, forty-three seconds," Lavi said, his grin widening. "Had a bet on with myself 'bout how long you were gonna just stand there without knocking. 'Sides, seemed like you were pretty lost in your own thoughts. Woulda been rude for me to interrupt."

Had he really been hesitating outside Lavi's door for _that_ long? Allen groaned and buried his face in his hands. And if he hadn't noticed Lavi standing there, who _else_ might have come by and seen him acting like an idiot?

"Don't worry," Lavi said, perhaps correctly interpreting Allen's expression. "Nobody else came around the whole time I was watching. Anyway, you're here an' I _know_ you're here, so why don't'cha just come in?"

He moved forward to open the door, then politely stood aside so Allen could precede him. Once inside, with Lavi standing between him and the closed door, Allen was sharply reminded of the last time they'd been in this situation. Already his lips were tingling, and warmth was pooling in his groin. He really was absolutely hopeless.

"I wanted to practice again," Allen blurted out, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants. "I mean, if you wanted to. I mean, you can never have too much training, right? I mean..."

"I thought you'd never ask," Lavi interrupted his rambling, and the heat burning in the older boy's green eye made Allen swallow hard.

Once again Lavi closed the distance between them, but this time Allen met him halfway. He wrapped his arms around the taller boy's neck and kissed back eagerly. There was no shy fumbling; they already knew what felt good and they went straight for it.

With a little moan, Allen rocked his hips up against Lavi's body. He hadn't meant to do it, but the pressure and friction on his already hard cock were so good he couldn't help but do it again. And again, unable to stop himself and not really wanting to anyway.

Lavi broke the kiss and turned his head away. "Fuck, Allen!"

For a horrible moment Allen thought he'd gone too far. After all, a kiss was a kiss no matter who you did it with, so maybe Lavi hadn't minded practicing with a boy. But the feel of Allen's erection pressed against him couldn't be mistaken for anything but what it was.

Before Allen's mind had gotten through more than the first couple of spinning circles, Lavi had pushed him back into the wall and was grinding down against him. And exactly as Allen had just been thinking, the feel of the hard cock against his hip was unmistakeable. There could be no doubt that Lavi wanted this just as badly as Allen did.

"Lavi!" Allen cried out, the name coming out broken as Lavi took advantage of his position to slide his mouth over Allen's neck. Who knew that such an innocuous spot could turn into such an erogenous hot zone?

"What, didja think you were the only one enjoying yourself?" Lavi chuckled against Allen's skin. Since that was pretty much exactly what Allen had thought, he could only moan in response. "Didja think you were the only one lying in your bed at night, thinking about that kiss with your hand on your cock?"

"I... yes?" Allen writhed, trapped between the wall and Lavi's solid body, his hips rocking up in time with Lavi's grinding. He'd never heard Lavi _purr_ like that before, and the naughty words seemed to go straight to his cock.

"Well, y'weren't," Lavi assured him, dropping one hand to cup Allen's ass and haul him higher up the wall, putting their bodies into better alignment. "Thought about it a lot, actually. 'Bout what it'd be like to touch you, taste you, wring those hot little noises outta you." Allen couldn't help it, he made one of those noises in response to Lavi's words, and the redhead chuckled again. "Yeah, you like that, huh? Like thinking 'bout me lying there, working my hand over my dick, panting and moaning and thinking 'bout you?"

Allen tried to answer him, but all that came out was a heartfelt groan. Instead he nodded, squirming beneath Lavi's weight to try to increase the contact between them. He felt feverish and out of control, and Lavi's soft words were only making it worse. Tentatively he slid his hands down over the older boy's chest, grateful neither of them were wearing their heavy jackets. The thin cotton of his gloves and Lavi's shirt were all that stood between them, and Allen would have sworn he could feel the heat radiating from Lavi's body.

"Didja touch yourself too?" Lavi asked, his other hand working to open the buttons on Allen's shirtfront. His fingers were deft on the small buttons, but Allen was surprised to see the way Lavi's hand was trembling. Maybe the redhead wasn't quite as calm about the whole thing as he seemed to be. "Didja strip down and lie on your sheets, and run your hands over your body, thinking 'bout me? Does it feel different on your cock, that hand of yours?"

Before Allen realized what Lavi intended, the older boy had caught Allen's left wrist in a tight grip and brought it up between them. His teeth tugged at the glove, pulling it down over the mottled red flesh of Allen's hand. Allen cried out in protest and tried to free his hand, but Lavi's grip was too strong to break easily and he was afraid of hurting the other boy if he tried too hard.

"It's okay," Lavi murmured, dropping the glove and flashing Allen a quick smile before he ran his mouth over the red skin and dark claws. If the inhuman appearance bothered Lavi, it didn't show in the older boy's face. The crystals embedded in Allen's hand glittered in the light, or maybe in reaction to what he was feeling.

"I like this part of you," Lavi continued, dragging his tongue over the webbing between Allen's fingers. It was a surprisingly intense sensation, making Allen squirm again. "It's part of what makes you who you are. Normal people might not understand, but you should know you don't have to hide from another Exorcist." He looked up, his green eye shining with lust and mischief. "So, didja? Does it feel different?"

"Not with that hand," Allen managed to say, certain his face was so flushed it probably hid the red marks of his curse. "But... I... yes."

"Bet y'look pretty, all sprawled out over your bed, nothin' but pale skin and pale hair, with your eyes closed and your hand on your cock," Lavi said, a deep growl working its way under the purr in his voice and making Allen shiver in response. "Maybe one of these days I'll haveta get you t'show me."

"Lavi!" Scandalized by the thought, Allen shook his head. Lavi just laughed and rocked into him a little harder, forcing another moan out of him. The worst of it was, if Lavi kept talking to him in that incredibly sexy rumbling purr, Allen thought the older boy just might be able to convince him to do anything at all.

Letting Allen's hand drop, Lavi kissed him once more. This time there was an edge of desperation to the embrace, and the pace of their rocking increased. Allen felt something building deep inside him, like and at the same time so much greater than what he felt when he touched himself that it hardly bore comparing. Gasping for air around Lavi's mouth, Allen slid his hands under the older boy's shirt and drew the pads of his fingers over Lavi's back. His right hand was still gloved, but that just created a fascinating contrast.

Lavi shuddered against him and went still, breaking the kiss to bury his face in Allen's shoulder with a low groan. He was panting, his whole body trembling faintly, and resting most of his weight against Allen like he was afraid his legs wouldn't hold him. Whimpering, Allen rubbed against him urgently, the loss of stimulation so frustrating he could hardly keep from whining in protest.

After a long moment Lavi shifted and worked one hand between them, sliding down over Allen's torso to cup his fingers against the bulge of his cock through his trousers. Just the lightest touch was enough to push Allen over the edge, and he bit his lip hard to stifle his shout as he came.

They stayed like that for a while; how long, Allen wasn't sure. He'd lost his ability to keep track of time somewhere along the way, drifting along from moment to moment like a leaf floating on a stream. Finally Lavi drew a deep breath and let go of him, allowing Allen to slide down between him and the wall until the smaller boy was on his feet again.

Mostly on his feet, anyway. Allen didn't feel any steadier than Lavi had seemed before, and he clutched at the older boy's shoulders to help him keep his balance. Their eyes met, and they stared at each other awkwardly. Lavi obviously wasn't any more certain of what to say now than Allen was.

"Lavi, please..."

"Listen, Allen..."

They spoke on the same breath, and stopped just as abruptly. Again they stared at each other, each waiting for the other to continue. After a few seconds Lavi's mouth quirked in a soft, rueful smile that was nothing like his usual cheerful grin. He started to snicker, then to laugh outright, and the sound was infectious. In moments they were both laughing, clinging to each other for support.

"What were you gonna say?" Lavi asked when they managed to get control of themselves again. He pulled back and straightened his shirt, making a face as he realized the state of his pants, and ran a hand through his messy hair in a futile attempt to tame it.

"Um..." Allen fumbled with the buttons of his own shirt, focusing on that so he wouldn't have to look at Lavi. "I was just thinking... I mean... would you... want to do this again?"

Lavi didn't answer him, and the silence stretched out long enough that Allen was convinced he'd overstepped his bounds and the older boy was going to reject him. When he hesitantly looked up, though, he found Lavi studying him seriously, lower lip caught between his teeth as if he was just as uncertain as Allen felt.

"Allen..." Lavi's expression was almost unreadable, his green eye dark with an emotion Allen couldn't interpret. "Look, don't fall for me, okay? It's the stupidest thing you could do. There's a lot y'don't know about me, and I can't tell you most of it. But if nothing else, when this war is over Bookman and I will leave the Order and move on to the next record, and you and I will prob'ly never see each other again. That's just the way it's gotta be, nothing will change that."

"Does that mean you don't want to?" Allen was badly disappointed, but he tried not to let it show. He had a feeling he failed miserably when Lavi's expression softened, and the older boy shook his head.

"I didn't say that," Lavi assured him wryly. "Hell, Allen, I'm eighteen and you're one of the hottest things going around here. I'm happy t'mess around all you like. I'm just saying it can't be more than that, all right? I don't wanna end up breaking your heart. I like you too much for that."

"It won't be," Allen promised. "We're just messing around, like you said."

"Well..." Lavi looked at him like he wasn't sure Allen was being honest with him, but finally sighed. "It's your choice, beansprout. Just don't say I didn't warn you."

In truth, Allen was afraid the warning might already be too late.

* * *

The battles in the Ark had changed everything. None of them were untouched, and for some of them the changes had been so profound they could hardly be considered the same person any more. Allen had been through more than he'd ever thought he could face and survive, and he'd not only survived but flourished. He was in control of himself, his Innocence and his destiny for the first time since he'd been born, and finally knew exactly what his purpose in life was.

What he wasn't sure of was how the others were going to recover - if they recovered at all. Kanda, Krory, Lenalee... he was worried about all of them. But, if he was being honest with himself, there was one in particular that worried him more than the rest. Not because Lavi had been hurt so much worse than the others, but because he meant that much more to Allen.

This time he didn't hesitate for even a moment when he went to knock on Lavi's door. In their long journey across Europe and Asia, tracking General Cross, Allen had lost any vestiges of shyness around the redhead. They hadn't had many opportunities for privacy, but they'd managed well enough. Every time, Lavi had reminded Allen not to let his emotions get involved, and every time Allen had assured Lavi that he wouldn't.

Since his desperate attempt to save Suman, however, Allen hadn't had a moment to speak to Lavi alone. There were some things they badly needed to talk about, and if Lavi wanted to say 'I told you so' afterwards, well, Allen probably deserved it. But they needed to have the truth out in the open between them.

There was no answer to his knock, but Allen was certain the older boy was in the room. Lenalee had told him earlier that Lavi had shut himself away and wasn't answering anyone. If he'd actually locked himself in it could cause a problem, but when Allen tried the knob it turned easily under his hand.

Opening the door, he peeked in and found Lavi sitting at his desk with a pen in his hand, poised over a blank page in the book before him. The redhead wasn't writing, just staring vacantly at the wall with his chin propped in his hand, his gaze distant and looking more than a little lost.

Ordinarily Allen would have assumed that Lavi was aware he was there, because if there was one thing he'd learned over the past months it was that nothing really escaped the older boy's notice. This time Lavi looked so absorbed in his thoughts that Allen wasn't sure. "Lavi?" he prompted softly, just in case.

Sure enough Lavi jumped and dropped his pen, startled. He looked up, and couldn't seem to decide whether to be dismayed or relieved to see Allen there. "Hey, beansprout," he said, clearly struggling for his usual carefree attitude. "Y'startled me. What's up?"

Coming the rest of the way into the room, Allen shut the door behind him. "I wanted to see you," he said. "We've hardly said a word to each other since we first reached China. Are you okay?"

Lavi grimaced and made a dismissive gesture. "I'll be better when I've got Oodzuchi Kodzuchi back in my hands. I just hope they really can do something about it. I feel naked without it, and not in a good way. Been trying t'keep myself busy, but it's hard."

The room was tiny; it didn't take Allen more than a few steps before he was within arm's length of the older boy, and he reached out to brush his hand over Lavi's face, needing the tactile confirmation that his friend - no, be honest, his _lover_ \- was okay.

To his surprise Lavi flinched away, standing abruptly and putting distance between them. Hurt, Allen watched as the redhead backed up until he reached the wall and could go no further, a haunted look lurking in his eye.

"Lavi?" Allen took a step forward, but stopped when the older boy flinched again. "What is it? You're not... afraid of me now, are you?"

The thought was devastating. Allen knew he'd changed a lot, become something more than he'd been before. Lavi was one of the few witnesses to his fight with Tykki, and the redhead had seen just what Allen was capable of now. It had never occurred to Allen that Lavi might be _scared_ of him, though.

"What? No," Lavi immediately denied it, and the genuine surprise in his voice made Allen sigh with relief. "Of course not. How could I? I just... I don't understand how you can wanna be anywhere near me, after what I did to you."

"What you did? What are you talking about?" Allen asked, drawing a complete blank.

Lavi laughed, but it wasn't a cheerful sound. "Are you kiddin' me? I turned on you, Allen!"

"That wasn't you, that was Road," Allen said, confused. "Of course I don't hold it against you, Lavi."

"It wasn't Road," Lavi said, sighing. "Or at least, it wasn't all her. The things I said to you, 'bout not considering you a friend... that wasn't her. That was a part of me that I'm not all that proud of anymore, but it's still a part of me. I toldja there's a lot about me y'don't know."

"I know you nearly killed yourself, to stop her from using you to hurt me," Allen insisted, stepping forward again. Lavi watched him warily, like a cornered animal, but made no further attempts to get away. "I know you gave everything you had to help me against Tykki. And I know you told me not to feel anything for you... but I guess I'm not very good at following orders."

Lavi let out a shuddering breath, almost a sob, and closed his eye. "I couldn't... I couldn't let her use me to kill you. I just couldn't face that. I thought you were dead once and it nearly... I couldn't."

"Then that's all that matters," Allen said, taking the last step that closed the distance between them. He leaned against Lavi's chest, wrapping his arms around the taller boy's waist and tucking his head beneath Lavi's chin. He could feel Lavi trembling beneath him, but slowly the other boy wrapped his arms around Allen in turn and held him tight.

"This was such a bad idea," Lavi muttered, burying his face in Allen's hair. "I told you not t'let your feelings get involved, but then I was the one that ended up breakin' my heart over you. That's not how it's s'pposed to go. Now instead of this whole thing just being a mess, it's a _fucking huge_ mess."

Allen nuzzled closer. "But we're both alive, and we're both here, and we both care about each other. Whatever other problems it might cause, I can't regret that."

Lifting one hand, Lavi cupped Allen's chin and turned his face up. "Me, neither," the older boy admitted hoarsely, and leaned down to kiss him. It was a slow, lingering kiss, with a wealth of emotion behind it that they could never hope to express in words. Allen felt his heart melting beneath the onslaught, and he knew he was already lost.

Somehow they managed to strip each other to the waist without breaking the kiss, the motions of their hands a frantic counterpoint to the languid sweetness of the embrace. Kicking his boots off, Allen stumbled back towards the bed and drew Lavi with him. He wanted to feel the older boy against him and over him, crushing him into the bed as they moved together to reach the peak. It had been so long that he ached with longing for it, and from the feel of Lavi's hard cock against his hip, the older boy felt the same.

"No," Lavi said, wrenching himself away. Dismayed, Allen thought Lavi was still trying to pull away from him, but the older boy's expression held nothing but heat. "Damn it, this is the first chance we've had for more than five minutes alone since we left Europe. We're not rushing this. I wanna see _all_ of you."

Breathless at the thought, Allen tipped his head back and moaned. Lavi's hands were already working at the buttons of Allen's fly, loosening his pants until they slid down over his hips and revealed the drawers beneath. Belatedly Allen returned the favour, his hands shaking with anticipation almost too much to allow him to work the small buttons. The calluses on Lavi's fingers felt rough against the sensitive skin of Allen's stomach as the older boy undid the laces of his drawers, and finally Allen stood naked before his lover for the first time.

"God, you are fucking gorgeous," Lavi murmured, taking a deep breath and pushing impatiently at his own pants and drawers, helping Allen to strip them. For the first time Allen was able to _see_ the other boy's cock, flushed and hard against Lavi's stomach, and it made Allen's groin ache in response.

"So are you," Allen said, his voice coming out husky, and this time when he led the way to the bed Lavi didn't protest. They tumbled onto the mattress, mouths locked together again as their hands explored every inch of newly exposed skin.

Allen cried out against Lavi's mouth as the older boy wrapped a hand around his cock, pumping slowly but firmly. Rocking his hips into the touch, Allen tried to encourage him to go faster, but Lavi refused to speed his pace. "I toldja, we're not rushing this," Lavi said, a teasing hint lurking beneath the purr in his voice.

The slow stroking was maddening enough that it distracted Allen from what else Lavi was doing, so the gentle fingers sliding down beneath the base of his cock caught him by surprise.

Allen was about the farthest thing from an innocent that anyone could be at his age and still be a virgin; his master had preferred women, but hadn't been averse to trying just about anything. And even if Cross had been completely uninterested in men, it was impossible to spend as much time in whorehouses as Allen had without overhearing any number of interesting tidbits about every sort of sexual act. So he knew what it meant when Lavi pushed carefully at the entrance to his body, and he tipped his hips up and did his best to relax in response.

Lavi made a startled noise, then gave an appreciative purr against Allen's mouth. "Hmm, I keep underestimating you, beansprout," he said, easing his finger deeper inside. " _Shit_ , you're so damned tight." Slowly he fucked Allen with his finger, pressing deeper each time until he was as far in as he could get. It felt strange, more full than anything else, but it wasn't bad in any way. Allen wasn't entirely certain what all the fuss was about...

Until Lavi flicked the tip of his finger upwards, and pressed against something that made Allen literally see stars. He cried out and thrashed against the pressure, clinging helplessly to Lavi's shoulders for support. _Now_ he finally understood some of the more cryptic conversations between the whores, and he very definitely knew what all the fuss was about. "Oh God, do that again," he begged, breathless with desire.

Grinning, Lavi obliged, and Allen moaned again and tipped his head back against the pillow. Lavi promptly fastened his mouth on Allen's throat, sucking and licking and biting at the smooth flesh there. His other hand was still stroking at Allen's cock in that maddeningly slow rhythm, refusing to alter his pace in any way. It didn't matter - it had been weeks since the last time they'd been together, and Allen didn't think it would take much to break his control.

Lavi withdrew his hand, leaving Allen feeling oddly empty, and he whimpered a protest. A moment later the older boy pushed into him again with two fingers this time, and Allen arched up into the touch with a soft cry. "Lavi... you have to... you have to stop," he gasped.

"Stop? Why?" Lavi looked down at him, startled, and obediently stilled his hands. Allen moaned in frustration at the sudden lack of stimulation, and tossed his head restlessly. He couldn't keep his hips from rocking up, but he was so close to the edge that even that might be enough to push him over.

"I'm going to... I can't hold on," Allen panted, struggling for control of his body.

"Heh." To his surprise Lavi smirked, and resumed moving his hands over Allen's body. "Geez, Allen. You'd think you needed it bad, or something. Do it. Come for me." He pressed both fingers inside Allen's body against that spot, hard, and squeezed the younger boy's cock.

Allen couldn't help but obey the command, his whole body tensing as the explosion hit him. He shouted, uncaring if anyone could hear him. The redhead continued to stroke him, wringing every last drop from Allen's trembling body. Allen shuddered, clinging to him and just trying to get enough air to breathe in the suddenly stifling room.

Finally Lavi withdrew and collapsed onto his side, lying stretched out on the bed next to Allen. When Allen managed to force his eyes to focus again and turned his head, he saw Lavi watching him with desire burning hot in his eye. But beneath that fire was something else that hadn't been there before; something soft and tentative, fragile and almost painful.

Allen knew what it was, because it matched the emotion aching in his own chest. "I love you," he whispered, reaching out to embrace Lavi and kissing him firmly. Lavi said nothing, but his expression said the words for him as he held Allen tightly.

Feeling Lavi still hard and hot against him, Allen gathered his wits and reached out to return the favour. Just before making contact he hesitated, and Lavi looked at him curiously. Remembering something the older boy had asked him in the beginning, Allen slowly slid his left hand down over Lavi's chest instead, and wrapped his fingers around the older boy's cock with exquisite care not to scratch with the hard black nails.

Lavi's eye went wide, then he moaned and tipped his head back, closing his eye and surrendering himself to the touch. His throat worked as he swallowed, and Allen leaned in to kiss the delicate skin there. He didn't know if it actually felt any different for Lavi to be touched by the hand that held his Innocence, but the redhead was certainly reacting as if it made a difference. His breath was already coming fast and hard, and his hips were rocking like he was fighting not to thrust up into every touch.

Then again, maybe he was just as desperate for the contact as Allen had been, after so long apart and so much uncertainty between them. Allen obliged him, stroking faster and tightening his grip at the top of each stroke to put pressure on the head of Lavi's cock. In minutes Lavi was moaning with each thrust, his expression feverish as he trembled beneath Allen's touch.

Sliding his mouth down, Allen licked and nibbled at the smooth skin of Lavi's chest. When his tongue encountered a taut nipple he wrapped his lips around it, then bit down gently. That was too much for Lavi; with a broken cry he arched up into Allen's hand, and Allen felt hot liquid spurt over his hand.

When it was over all the tension seemed to drain out of Lavi at once; he went completely boneless against Allen. Slowly he opened his eye, looking dazed and a little dreamy. Deliberately catching his gaze, Allen lifted his hand and licked the salty, bitter fluid off his red skin. It tasted horrible, but he refused to allow his expression to show it. The heat that flared in Lavi's eye was all the reward he could have asked for.

Groaning, Lavi rolled over and pulled him close, once again hiding his face against Allen's hair. "You are something else, beansprout," he said. The hoarseness of his voice might have been a result of trying to strangle his shouts, but Allen thought he heard a hint of tears beneath the huskiness as well. "I..."

He stopped and bit his lip, but Allen heard the words he couldn't say. "I know," Allen assured him, tilting his head back and claiming a soft kiss before he tucked himself closer against Lavi's side. Stretching out his other hand, he snagged the edge of the sheets and drew them up over their bodies, making it clear that he had no intention of leaving. Before this they'd always parted as soon as they caught their breath, as if staying together a moment longer than necessary would have been betraying their agreement not to let their emotions get involved.

Well, perhaps it would have been. Half drowsing in Lavi's arms, Allen had never felt as close to someone as he did in that moment. However bad the fallout from this might eventually be, Allen was certain of one thing. "It's worth it," he said, closing his eyes and resting his head against Lavi's shoulder.

Hesitant fingers threaded through his hair, petting him like an oversized cat. "Yeah," Lavi agreed softly. "Yeah, it is. Broken hearts and all."

**Author's Note:**

> Request fic for takaya-san at long, LONG last, in return [for](http://i038.radikal.ru/0801/63/341e5eb61bd6.jpg) [all](http://rc.foto.radikal.ru/0709/fd/aae407213481.jpg) [of](http://rs.foto.radikal.ru/0709/58/5727b51c0972.jpg) [these](http://rq.foto.radikal.ru/0708/9d/da45260f7f2c.jpg) [gorgeous](http://rh.foto.radikal.ru/0708/16/5acaaf878d96.jpg) [pictures](http://rh.foto.radikal.ru/0708/de/1eee2578a454.jpg). She asked for a Lavi/Allen, and I did my best. I hope you like it, takaya-san. You certainly deserve it after all that beautiful work!


End file.
